Categories
shopping addiction

Why Shopping Addiction is a bitch

I’m sorry I’ve been away from here for a long while.

Truth is, I fell off the wagon and had entered a numb state for a long while. I think too much happened last year ranging from family having a stroke, my work environment having a drastic change, managing unstable family dynamics, heartbreak and financial stump. And I didn’t manage to relieve and soothe my stress so when the last drop came, I really fell hard into a really long dark state of numbness.

I was binging, skin picking and even managed to pick up a new behavior, shopping addiction.

Being new to this addiction I fell hard and I’m only now starting to learn how to get out of it. So if I can find good ways to combat it, I will share it here. So far I have only been able to combat it when I really have a hard sad reason not to, such as getting into a fight with my family because of this addiction or because I got into an argument with the person that sold something with me online. That’s right, I argued with a stranger online that I’ve never done before because I got unnecessarily cranky (I falsely accused the person for selling me a fake sample but it turns out it was real- needless to say the person was upset). I was ashamed of the person I had become. But life hit me with new stones and I became weak and surrendered to the sweet whisperings of the allure of spending money online.

I’m now trying to get back on track again. However many-ith time is the charm as they say.

Maybe I’ll try to make this blog post a kind of a public statement. It will be part of me trying to find out what way helps me get out of this dump.

Because let me tell you, this addiction is a dump. For the below reasons:

1) financial obvious reasons – you buy unnecessary things, it puts a strain on your finances. You get stressed you shop more, you might start spending away your savings that you needed for something critical or even if it’s something saved for enjoyment later, either way you’re stripping yourself away from freedom both financially and mentally.

2) lose time – you lose time looking up things you want to buy and you lose time buying things and you lose time thinking about how to use up those things (I mainly buy scent related products and hygiene products). Or you lose time trying to be sensible and trying to talk yourself out of shopping.

3) lose sleep – related to the above, I mainly scrolled and shopped late at night which ate away my sleeping time and I’ve been really tired on many days.

4) lose confidence – you feel stupid and worthless and ashamed that you can’t control your shopping behavior and finances. the lack of confidence comes through to every aspect of my life

5) lose trust – you lose trust in yourself but you also lose trust from your family members and those close to you when you start going overboard with shopping and start hiding what you’ve bought.

6) don’t confront the real issues so it piles up and explodes- when I’m shopping, I’m trying to run away from my problems and find relief. Which means I’m taking away the opportunity to sit down with myself, really ask myself what’s wrong and try to work through the actual problem

All of the above had a knock on effect on family, work, friendships and relationships.

It’s been really challenging, it’s so stupid as I already had enough financial problems with my family losing their job since Covid started.

One thing I can say is, if you’re struggling with something similar, and if you have family or partner or someone close to you, open up to them as soon as you can about this issue. I think that’s the best advice I can give right now. And give yourself a hug because chances are, you really need it.

Categories
Uncategorized

Loving yourself

Loving yourself, I imagine, is feeling like you are enough as you are. That you don’t need to prove yourself to anybody or change yourself, you can just be you and be comfortable with it.

It is a feeling of knowing that you don’t have to bend over backwards for someone to be loved.

It is the feeling that you know your worth and don’t put up with any bullshit that people pull.

It is to be able to set boundaries and not be resentful to others.

It is a feeling that you are your own best friend and you can be there for them for the good and the bad times. Be gentle but realistic.

I’m not there yet, but I’m starting to feel like I know which direction to go.

Categories
binge eating

What to do with binge urges

As someone who’s trying to overcome binge eating and having some success so far, I’ve been thinking about what methods have been effective to help me overcome binge urges and have grouped them into the following four ways:

1) Replace binging with another coping mechanism

Often, I binge when I’m feeling emotionally unstable, stressed, frustrated, tired, empty, depressed (or sometimes simply bored). For me, binge eating is a coping mechanism and I believe it is for many others.

The good news about this is that there are plenty of other coping mechanisms that we can try. The important point is that binge eating is something we do to help us cope with difficult emotions and situations, or fill in some emptiness, and if we aren’t going to binge, then we need something else to replace it. As simple as this is, this didn’t occur to me until my counselor pointed this out to me. We can’t just brute force take binging away from us and expect ourselves to be all good.

I’m still figuring out what is a good alternative coping mechanism for me, and it will look different for all. So far, I’ve found surrounding myself by nice scents/giving myself time to enjoy nice scents, taking walks, exercising/yoga, finding moral support in friends/family/or professionals have helped. But for me, these are all things to alleviate ‘overall’ binge eating habits rather than something that helps me ‘at the moment of urge’ if that makes sense. Which brings me to the next point:

2) BINGE- but on healthy alternatives like veggies

That’s right- sometimes we have this strong wish to binge out and we just have to embrace it. But we don’t have to go all the way to the unhealthy side.

I try eating a cucumber, or a good old salad, or maybe vegetable soup or cooked veggies. Fruits could work too. Just something non processed that our bodies won’t complain too much when we have a chunky amount.

3) Mindfulness of our eating

I’m not a huge fan of the word ‘mindfulness’, it feels overused. But for simplicity, I use it here- to mean ‘being aware of what we eat, being aware of our sensations and emotions as we eat’.

This is something I’m learning on the diet app Noom. (Now as a disclaimer, Noom isn’t designed towards people with eating disorder and I believe it’s super important to have some support for eating disorder in another way during your Noom journey. I was on counseling for the first few months of Noom, and after I had to stop counseling for financial reasons, I’ve tried to listen to podcasts on binge eating when I felt I need some support (my favourite being ‘breaking up with binge eating’ and ‘bingeproof brain’))

For me, the ‘awareness of what I eat’ comes from logging my meals each day. While Noom encourages you to do this to manage calories, counting calories may not be something for you, and in that case, you could try thinking of plate size or number of servings for example.

‘Being aware of our sensations and emotions’ while we eat, is another huge part for me. For example, I’ve realized that I mindlessly binge eat when I eat while watching tv shows or movies. After I started trying to eat without electronics on, I became much more aware of what I was eating, enjoy my food more, and as a result helped reduce my binging habits. I try to focus on sensations like how does the food taste in the first bite, does the taste change as we eat, how’s the texture, and also focus on emotions like how I’m feeling before starting the meal, how it changed when I start eating, and ask myself whether I’m continuing to eat because I’m hungry or because I’m trying to fill an emotional need (this is tough to identify!). I’m not saying I manage to do this with every single meal, but it’s really helpful to have this perspective in the corner of our minds.

4) ok treat yourself once in a while

All the above said, I don’t think it’s a setback to overeat or binge once in a while. It’s our overall behavior that matters and if you are starting to realize your patterns, if you have more time space between your binges, if you are becoming more compassionate to yourself, etc then it’s a win and they are all steps forward. It’s human to go back to binge eating habits sometimes, we have spent so long relying on this coping mechanism and it takes a while to move forward one step at a time. If we slip, we just need brush ourselves off, and keep moving forward.

Sending you all lots of love

Categories
Uncategorized

Reframing thoughts and mantras

It’s been a while since I posted here, my family members have been unwell and the work load has been intense but I myself am ok.

During these times of stress, I’ve been tempted to binge eat and skin pick many times, especially for binge eating these few months.

What’s helped is reframing my thoughts and having phrases like mantras and stress relievers that I can fall back on.

For mantras, phrases like ‘I don’t Have to eat’, or ‘if I keep eating, it is not healthy for me and I would put my body under a lot of strain’ have helped me. Mind you, if you really are hungry please do eat. I only used these phrases when I had a properly hearty meal and was wanting to continue eating for emotional and stress reasons.

Reframing thoughts are also powerful for getting to the root of binge eating and working on the core triggers of why we binge eat. As I have heard in a binge eating podcast, it’s not negative triggers themselves that cause binge eating but rather our thoughts and reaction to it.

I’m not going to go into the details of how to reframe thoughts as there are many resources out there on this including cognitive behavioral therapy (I strongly recommend the free app Woebot for trying out CBT). It’s not always easy to do by ourselves and it’s not the answer for everything, we might still want to eat after reframing thoughts, but it does help to organize our thoughts and feelings and feel a bit better.

Finally for stress relievers, there are so many and ones that work for you could look different for each person. For me, listening to music, doing short and relaxing yoga, taking a small walk, working out a bit, or even just lying down for some time are all helpful. Once again, I’m going to refer to my favourite podcast ‘Breaking up with binge eating’: alternative behaviours (I.e. things we can do instead of eating to make us feel better) should include options that are very very low energy because we will have moments when we just aren’t motivated or have the energy to do much. It could just be lying down like me, or coloring pictures, or hanging out with your pets if you have one, or taking deep breaths. Just anything. And it doesn’t need to take you away from binge eating entirely. If you feel the urge to binge, just try holding out for a minute. Even that is something to be proud of, because healing binge eating is a process and we may just have to start from small steps and that’s okay.

Categories
Uncategorized

Setting standards for ourselves

Is it just me who is finding it really difficult to set standards for people in our lives be it romantic or friendship or family.

I’m struggling to find the balance between expecting to be treated right and with respect and setting too high of a standard that I’m getting disappointed all the time.

What is something that is absolutely crucial for you, and what is something that you can be flexible about?

Categories
Uncategorized

Finding meaning

I’m very confident that I’m not the only one feeling helpless and struggling to be optimistic about the future.

War, climate change, political situation in each country, etc etc

So in these difficult times, how can we find meaning for our future?

I don’t have any answers. All that I can do is do my best each day, try not to think too far in the future, find joy in small things and keep on keeping on.

Categories
Uncategorized

Identifying Toxic relationship

The past few weeks, I’ve really been struggling with skin picking around the neck area again.

And I’ve been obsessing over things that shouldn’t matter that much and have been feeling really down in general.

So I’ve been thinking, why? Why do I feel this way or acting this way?

General feeling of helplessness about the future, intense work stress are factors. But I realized that a toxic relationship was also playing a huge part.

Have you ever had a relationship (family, friendship, romantic or otherwise) that brings you down, you feel emotionally exhausted when you have interaction with them, and it comes to a point where you dread speaking with them? or you find yourself being passive aggressive towards them because you haven’t been able to express that you’re unhappy in the relationship?

This was exactly how I’ve been feeling and I realized it was time to address this toxic relationship. I don’t know what is the best way to go forward with it. But I’ve started by trying to be more honest with how I’m feeling.

Categories
Uncategorized

Family support

I’ve been struggling with skin picking around the ear cheek and neck area for the past weeks and honestly it doesn’t look good right now.

I’m also struggling to express to my family that this is a disorder and that although I’m working on it, it’s been tough. I get comments like ‘it’s getting worse, what are you doing?’

If any of you have struggles or have any suggestions for how to tell your family about this disorder, let’s discuss on the comment section!

Categories
Uncategorized

Overwhelm and skin picking

Something I’m discovering recently is I skin pick not just when I’m having negative emotions, but also strong emotions in general. It’s a coping mechanism to deal with some kind of overwhelm and it could happen also when something nice has happened but when I don’t know how to react to it.

Like being in social situations and getting to know someone new. When reflecting on your day. I heard in the podcast ‘Dermatillo-diaries’ that the podcaster had the urge to skin pick after love making and I think that’s a really good example.

My skin picking has been pretty bad the last few weeks, around my ear to cheek to chin area. It feels degrading that I’m causing these scars on my own face and I know my family is also sad to see it. I haven’t been wearing gloves the past few days so I’ll try going back to it.

Categories
Uncategorized

0803

Skin picking still pretty bad around the neck, ear and chin area.

It’s been pretty humid and hot lately and showering twice a day seems to help with reducing oiliness around the area making me feel more clean and less likely to skin pick.