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Loving yourself, I imagine, is feeling like you are enough as you are. That you don’t need to prove yourself to anybody or change yourself, you can just be you and be comfortable with it.

It is a feeling of knowing that you don’t have to bend over backwards for someone to be loved.

It is the feeling that you know your worth and don’t put up with any bullshit that people pull.

It is to be able to set boundaries and not be resentful to others.

It is a feeling that you are your own best friend and you can be there for them for the good and the bad times. Be gentle but realistic.

I’m not there yet, but I’m starting to feel like I know which direction to go.

Is it just me who is finding it really difficult to set standards for people in our lives be it romantic or friendship or family.

I’m struggling to find the balance between expecting to be treated right and with respect and setting too high of a standard that I’m getting disappointed all the time.

What is something that is absolutely crucial for you, and what is something that you can be flexible about?

I’m very confident that I’m not the only one feeling helpless and struggling to be optimistic about the future.

War, climate change, political situation in each country, etc etc

So in these difficult times, how can we find meaning for our future?

I don’t have any answers. All that I can do is do my best each day, try not to think too far in the future, find joy in small things and keep on keeping on.

The past few weeks, I’ve really been struggling with skin picking around the neck area again.

And I’ve been obsessing over things that shouldn’t matter that much and have been feeling really down in general.

So I’ve been thinking, why? Why do I feel this way or acting this way?

General feeling of helplessness about the future, intense work stress are factors. But I realized that a toxic relationship was also playing a huge part.

Have you ever had a relationship (family, friendship, romantic or otherwise) that brings you down, you feel emotionally exhausted when you have interaction with them, and it comes to a point where you dread speaking with them? or you find yourself being passive aggressive towards them because you haven’t been able to express that you’re unhappy in the relationship?

This was exactly how I’ve been feeling and I realized it was time to address this toxic relationship. I don’t know what is the best way to go forward with it. But I’ve started by trying to be more honest with how I’m feeling.

I’ve been struggling with skin picking around the ear cheek and neck area for the past weeks and honestly it doesn’t look good right now.

I’m also struggling to express to my family that this is a disorder and that although I’m working on it, it’s been tough. I get comments like ‘it’s getting worse, what are you doing?’

If any of you have struggles or have any suggestions for how to tell your family about this disorder, let’s discuss on the comment section!

Something I’m discovering recently is I skin pick not just when I’m having negative emotions, but also strong emotions in general. It’s a coping mechanism to deal with some kind of overwhelm and it could happen also when something nice has happened but when I don’t know how to react to it.

Like being in social situations and getting to know someone new. When reflecting on your day. I heard in the podcast ‘Dermatillo-diaries’ that the podcaster had the urge to skin pick after love making and I think that’s a really good example.

My skin picking has been pretty bad the last few weeks, around my ear to cheek to chin area. It feels degrading that I’m causing these scars on my own face and I know my family is also sad to see it. I haven’t been wearing gloves the past few days so I’ll try going back to it.

Skin picking still pretty bad around the neck, ear and chin area.

It’s been pretty humid and hot lately and showering twice a day seems to help with reducing oiliness around the area making me feel more clean and less likely to skin pick.

From today, I’m going to try to change the style of my posts.

I try to share what I learn along the way in this blog, and sometimes I sound like a preacher, but I want to share more about my struggles, because I do struggle. Pretty much everyday!

What I’m struggling today: pretty harsh skin picking around my ear/neck area, and binge eating.

Here’s how my skin is looking today:

I want to practice what I preach so I will try to wear gloves today, as well as put a few bandages on, and update you again how it’s helping to prevent the urges.

As for binge eating, I binged majorly yesterday and this morning- I’m going to hydrate myself as much as possible, brush myself off and keep moving on, and most importantly I WILL NOT RESTRICT my calorie intake to make up for my binges- this wise girl knows that that only makes the binge restrict cycle worse. I will eat periodically moderate amounts to keep me satisfied.

How many times during the day do you put yourself down.

How many times do you imagine opening up about your problems but don’t because you fortune tell the person bringing you down if you do, saying it’s trivial, that’s it’s your fault, that they’ve got no time for this. But all these mean words are actually your words, they are the things that you’re actually telling yourself maybe without even realizing.

Let’s untangle all these nasty opinions we have of ourselves. Being kind to oneself is really hard, but at least we can start by acknowledging that we’re not so nice to ourselves.